Apple is annoying me.

By now everyone who has an iPhone, and plenty of others who don’t, know two things:

1) The new operating system for iPhones, OS 3.0 has been released

2) The new version of the iPhone has also been released (it runs OS 3.0).

We tested Lingopal on a beta version of OS 3.0 and it didn’t work. So we were as snappy as we could be in getting the code fixed so it would work. Then we submitted the upgrade to Apple in hope of timely approval …

And we’re still waiting.

Meanwhile, all of our customers who have upgraded to OS 3.0, have started Lingopal only to have it crash. But when they look on iTunes for an upgrade, it ain’t there. And prospective customers either (a) don’t read the warning blurb in iTunes and download anyway, and are thrilled to have a crashing app, or (b) read the warning blurb and move on. Either way, it all means pissed-off customers and lost sales.

Not surprisingly, Apple haven’t responded to any of my requests for a status on approval of the app upgrade.

I’ve just returned from Sydney, where I met with the guys from MoGeneration and Pollenizer. They share an office in Surrey Hills, and while distinct businesses, the synergies they share make cohabitation(!) a sensible arrangement. It also makes it convenient for visitors like me.

Both businesses seem to have work piled up, which is fantastic given the economic climate. MoGeneration are in hiring mode, and I understand Pollenizer took on a new graphics guy recently. It’s a sign that there are some pretty confident start-ups out there in the market. If you’re an adept iPhone developer then drop Keith at MoGeneration a line. Be advised, he’ll ask for a link to an app you’ve done and it better be good!

Pierre de Pollenizer showing his guns

Simon and Keith from MoGeneration

We’ll be making some changes to Lingopal in the next few weeks. There’ll be some new content, new languages and more options in how you want Lingopal to work on your iPhone or Touch. There are some other exciting things in the pipeline too … but that’s for another post.

Most people have heard the figure – over 1 billion applications downloaded from Apple’s iTunes stores worldwide. Sure, a lot of those apps are free, but plenty have a price tag, so that means lots of money is getting made, right?

Sometimes. The Trism game made US$250,000 in two months, which is outstanding by anyone’s calculations. It’s figures like that which have drawn developers to the iPhone much like cries of ‘gold’ did to prospectors in centuries past. One of the effects of this rush is that there are nearly 40,000 apps available for download now. How do you get your voice heard amongst all that competition?

This article from New Zealand’s Stuff website (via the Sydney Morning Herald) illustrates some of the problems and workarounds in getting an app noticed. The developer in question mentions that getting the app endorsed by an Apple exec is a great marketing method. It just so happens that one of Lingopal’s developers from MoGeneration is in San Francisco right now for the big Apple convention…

One thing the article doesn’t mention is reviews. Reviews tend to get seen by those ‘early adopters’ – keen iPhone users who (one hopes) help start the word-of-mouth effect. There are a number of iPhone app reviewers out there, and also plenty of general tech writers with an Apple interest. Of course, these guys are getting harrassed to review thousands of apps, and there are only so many hours in the day.

Unlike a lot of the other reviewers, The App Podcast does video reviews, so you can see exactly how the app works (or doesn’t).

Here’s The App Podcast’s review of Lingopal. He seems to like it.

Language is a funny old thing. While we understand that there is Spanish and French and German etc, the variations of those spoken languages can change markedly depending on a number of variables.

Often these are to do with geography: Spanish from Spain sounds different to Spanish from Argentina. Zooming in on the map the same thing applies – a Cornishman sounds very different to a Mancunian, and neither could be said to speak the Queen’s English.

And so it is with the language itself, not just the sound of it. The words employed, the nuances, the slang. The change can be seen in much smaller cross-sections of society: from suburb to suburb, street to street.

And this brings me, rather tenuously, to the picturesque delight that is Clare Werbeloff.

Clare is now an internet sensation, due in no small part to her colourful description of a recent shooting in Kings Cross, Sydney.

Phrases such as ‘I didn’t for shit, eh’ and ‘fully sick boys’ may give pause for thought, but you will certainly get the drift.

I just wish the reporter had asked to see her new tattoo.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0L2VaTWs9s[/youtube]

We’ve all seen bad tourists. They tend to be loud, obnoxious and disrespectful of locals and their customs. They can come from anywhere, though certain nationalities seem to have worse reputations than others.

In Pattaya I saw quite a lot of these types around. I don’t know how much of a bad tourist this guy was, but he was bad taste.

On meeting my friend’s new bride the first time I asked her if she had taught him any Thai. She said he was lazy and had only learnt one phrase, but I should learn it too.

Poh me chai farang keeno!

I have found it invaluable in both getting a laugh from locals and also disassociating myself from those dodgy tourists mentioned above. It’s translation?

I’m not Western birdshit!

I recently attended a wedding in Thailand, held in the bride’s village near the Laos border. It was an event the whole village (pop. 150) was involved in.

There were monks …

… home-made guitars …

… food …

… more food …

… dancing girls …

… and the town drunk.

The hospitality of the people was incredible and humbling. They had little, but gave everything.

The following evening they hosted another dinner for those visitors who remained. Once again, everything was wonderful. Those are oxen walking by the table.

By this stage I had become reasonably proficient in greeting people (hands together in a bow, sar-wah-dee karp), explaining that I couldn’t speak Thai, saying that I was pleased to meet them and the like.

At the end of this second dinner about a dozen of the villagers lined up to say goodbye. None could speak any English. In fact in the whole village there was only the bride who could speak it, and she has only been learning for a year.

As I edged along the line I quickly brought out my iPhone and searched for a couple of phrases I thought appropriate. I hadn’t time to rehearse them so I chose to just play them.

ah-ha alay-ee mar kop kun

As one they laughed on hearing my praise of the dinner, and replied that it was their pleasure.

par-teh kon kun soey mark

Their smiles grew broader and they nodded in glee as I told them that their country was beautiful. Some little children tip-toed and strained in wonderment at the iPhone.

kon lie par-teh kon kun nar lark mark

Their reaction was one of delight. They all edged forward, laughing and wanting to shake my hand. My friends, now getting into a van, turned on hearing the commotion. A young guy in front of me struggled to say something, while the new bride at my side translated.

‘Oh, you wery popular in my village Richaard. They want you come again.’

As we drove slowly off, chickens and dogs scurrying out of harm’s way, a friend asked me what I had said.
‘That the people from their country are wonderful’, I replied. And they are.

Any talk of visiting Thailand inevitably raises the subject of Ladyboys, or, as they are called in Thailand, Kathoey. They are those peculiar creatures who deign to be women, but only go halfway. So for appearances sake they are women, until such time as you realise that south of the hipline they are not. By which stage it is probably too late.

That said, some of them are incredibly striking. They strut, shimmy, pose, prowl and preen better than most women. Understandably they tend to be slightly longer of limb, so when turning on their (very) high heels, mane arcing and ivories flashing, they look like catwalk models. Prosperous of breast and curved of buttock (how do they do that?) they actually seem to be über-women.

A closer inspection (not too close!) sows the first seeds of doubt. Is the jaw a little too square, the voice a little too croaky? A quick check for an Adam’s apple is sensible, but that’s not a certain thing. Apparently there is reduction surgery available for that.

In one bar we visited there were some quality hijinks going on, involving soap suds, nudity and whips. A poor chap was getting flailed in a bath by half a dozen go-go dancers; the rest of us sheltered our glasses from the flying suds. I began to take some covert photos from waist level (taking them wasn’t allowed) and managed a few shots before I was caught. Two waitresses yelped around me, grabbing at my camera and calling for the management. Bouncers edged forward.

The manager arrived quickly. Slender and elegant, she stretched forward her painted hand and demanded I hand over my camera. I protested that the shots were so blurred as to be unrecognisable, but she remained unmoved. ‘Delete!’ she ordered, her sable hair shaking with anger. Giggling stupidly I deleted the photos one by one, while she got more and more cross. It wasn’t so much the alcohol making me laugh, nor the antics carrying on immediately behind. It was the fact the manager had a beard.

Last night I went to Walking Street in Pattaya. As its name suggests, it is a street only for walking, at least it is after 6pm.

Keeping the cars and motorcycles out allows for scenes like this.

As you would expect, there is plenty of alcohol on offer, and after a few hours, Walking Street looks a little like this.

What else is on offer? It all depends on what takes your fancy.

There’s the wholesome…

The slightly less so …

And the downright skanky.

Helpfully, a number of the bars provide clues as to what is on offer inside.

All in all, a fun night out the whole family can enjoy.

Last night I flew to Bangkok from Singapore. At the boarding gate I had a few moments to spare, so decided to practice some Thai phrases, in hope of committing them to memory.

There was one spare seat between two young Thai ladies; on it lay a duty free bag. With an eyebrow raise known the world over I questioned whether the seat was available. The more attractive (but only slightly) of the two ladies smiled and placed the bag at her feet. As I sat down I caught the eye of the other Thai girl and smiled. Insurance, you see.

With a practiced neck stretch I turned to my right, more to reassure myself of the girl’s superior beauty than for any rehabilitative purposes. A fraction of a glance rang a tiny note of alarm. Though undeniably attractive, there was a toughness that gave me pause. I stole a second glance, searching for any throat irregularity, but her long hair served as a highly effective mask.

Undeterred I pulled out my iPhone, started up Lingopal and played ‘Hello’ in Thai. Straightaway the girl to my left turned and looked quizzically at my phone. Let the Games begin.

Fortuitously I ended up sitting directly behind this young lady in the plane. Equally fortuitously the couple beside her were boisterous twits, and I happened to have a spare seat beside me.

A student of English in Singapore, Ray was returning to Thailand for the weekend to see her sister. She told me a little about her English course, and showed me a book she was reading, an abridged version of Robin Hood. She was confused about some words though:

‘A Sheriff, Ray, is a policeman.’
‘Poh-leece. Ah.’
‘Nottinghamshire is a place. Like a big village.’
‘Village, ok.’
‘A Forester is… ‘ – I was flummoxed for a moment – ‘… an old-fashioned word for a man who lives in the jungle.’ I don’t think she got a word of that.

I told her that I was planning on travelling around Thailand, testing the phone she had seen earlier, and chose this moment to rehearse all the phrases I had placed in the Favorites section.  The combination of the Flirting lines with the disclosure that my itinerary included Pattaya, led her to advise what to search for and avoid in potential Thai girlfriends.

Pattaya girls, she said, only want your money. When she went there on holiday a little while ago, all the European men kept asking her ‘How much? How much?’
‘The beasts,’ I sympathised.

Ray on the plane from Singapore to Bangkok

A little while later she sheepishly pulled a sheet of paper from her handbag and showed it to me. It was a report card of her studies, with marks ranging from 43% to 55%. It looked depressingly familiar.

I challenged her to write something of our conversation. This is what she wrote:

The plane was descending at the time, hence the shaky hand. Perceptive readers will note however, that the final sentence reads as a reward for my efforts earlier.

Lingopal has now been on sale for 2 weeks, so it’s a good time to have a look at how we’ve been going.

Apple gives us the ability to see the downloads on a daily basis. It’s pretty detailed, splitting the information into geographical iTunes stores and their respective currencies. So far we’ve had sales from about 25 different stores, including Brazil, China and Finland. That’s heartening, because the localisation feature Apple offers doesn’t cover any of those languages (in fact it only covers 6 languages).

Lance tweeted a few days ago that Japan accounted for around 30% of our sales. Pretty interesting considering we haven’t conducted any campaigns specifically targeting the Japanese market. It seems to be working by word of mouth.

Yesterday I delved a little deeper into the tools Apple offers and found the link which organises the most downloaded apps. I checked a few of the stores, seeing how it worked, then checked the paid Travel category in the Japanese store. We were 5th best-selling!

As you can imagine we’re pretty pleased, and would like to think it’s a commendation for the good work we (including Mogeneration and Pollenizer) have done. Having said that, it’s very early days, and while it’s great to have Japan up there, Lingopal is a global app and we want it selling globally.